I Can Faith That!
How to go from a stressful and anxious life to one filled with self-care, faith and self-love.
I Can Faith That!
EP 04 | The 'Soft Life' As a Faithful Woman: GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU STRUGGLING SIS
Is living a "soft life" just for the privileged? As a Christian woman are you being selfish if you practice soft living? Join us as we shatter myths about living a "Soft Life" and redefine the concept of a soft life altogether. It's not about an easy existence, but about finding joy in the everyday, even in the most challenging of circumstances. As a woman growing deeper into my faith, I am learning that God doesn't want me unnecessarily struggling. PERIOD! If you believe that I was created for YOU to take me on an emotional roller coaster, aka "the ride or die" concept, then I am simply NOT FOR YOU! Life can take me through ups and downs, but it's not going to be my partner doing it. No SIR!
In this episode, you'll also hear moving anecdotes from my family's experiences in a poor country, illustrating how happiness can be woven into daily life regardless of wealth or status. The Soft Life is a transformative mindset shift that puts positivity and happiness at the forefront. It redefines intergenerational narratives passed down to women and advocates for a softer, more joyful approach to life, no matter who you are and where you're from.
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Hey guys, it's Trish and welcome to episode four of the podcast. Today we're going to talk about the soft life. I am so excited to talk about this topic because I think that this is a topic that is often misconstrued. It's misrepresented and people have hijacked something that, in concept and theory, is really a beautiful, important thing, and have just turned it into a poop show. The soft life, first of all. Okay, it is not what people are making it out to be.
Speaker 1:It irks my nerves that people are making out the soft life to be a bunch of women who just just want life to be easy and who don't want to like do anything hard or don't want to do anything difficult, and blah, blah, blah Y'all. That is not what these women are out here trying to say. At least not majority of us. We're not stupid, okay. And here's this thing I know that it's hard for some people to grasp the concept that women are intelligent beings. It's hard for some people, but we're not dumb. Like what person at this point in time is a fully grown adult and thinks that they're going to live a life that's easy? We're not idiots. We all know that life is going to bring challenges. Life is going to bring setbacks. Baby, don't you think that? I know that life is difficult. I don't know if maybe we need to call this the softer life, and by calling it the softer life it will make more sense to people, because maybe some people take things like very literally. But the concept of the soft life, being able to control the controllables it's about softening the things you can control. It's about doing what you can to make life less difficult than it needs to be, less frustrating than it needs to be, less energy draining than it needs to be, less negative than it needs to be, less hard than it needs to be right. It's not about trying to control everything that happens in your life, but the things that you can control making it softer, bringing more joy into your life, bringing more happiness into your life, bringing more excitement into your life, bringing more exploration into your life. Bringing more happiness into your life, bringing more excitement into your life, bringing more exploration into your life, incorporating things that you love and you're passionate about into your life, spending more time with the people that you love and care about, increasing the positivity and energy, the positive energy that you release into the world and the positive energy that you allow to be surrounded by you in your world. That's what the soft life is about. It's about softening the things that you can soften. It is a mindset shift taking accountability over things that you can control, empowering yourself and actively making the changes that you can make, checking yourself and knowing the difference between when you're unnecessarily making something difficult and something that actually is difficult, that you cannot control or you cannot ease.
Speaker 1:It's so misunderstood and it's misconstrued and there's a lot of talk and conversation about it, because I think that we've been made y'all to believe that we have no control over our lives and we have no control over things that happen to us, and we have no control over our emotions. We have no control over how we react to things. We have no control over our perceptions of things. We have no control over our thought processes. The soft life, y'all, is not a bunch of women just sitting around wanting to twirl their hair and look cute. That could be part of it, right, there's nothing wrong with twirling your hair and wanting to be cute, but just know that it's something so much more beautiful than that. It's so much more powerful than that. It's so much more than that One of the arguments that I always hear people say is that the soft life is only for the privileged.
Speaker 1:I don't think that the soft life is just for the privileged. So my family is from a poor country. Right, it's one of the poorest countries probably in the world poorest countries probably in the world, and that's where we come from. It is what it is. Love my country, but it is what it is. It's one of the poorest countries. Mismanagement, right, the government takes every single penny, okay, and they leave the people with nothing. A lot of homes don't have running water, right, like that's just not a thing. There's no like consistent electricity, right, they might give the electricity for an hour and then take the electricity back, and you won't have electricity for like six, seven hours, and then they might give it for like 30 minutes and then take it back for eight hours, so you just get used to not having electricity, right.
Speaker 1:An example of how we were practicing the soft life without even realizing that we were doing it and, in full fairness, I only had to do this in the summertime because my parents did immigrate to the United States and so, but in the summer times we would go back, we would go fetch water in the well. But in the summer times we would go back, we would go fetch water in the well. The well, luckily for us, right the well was in front of our house so we didn't have to, you know, trek really far. There are kids, you know, and adults who have to go pretty far to get water, but for us it was like right in front of our home and it was so fun. Y'all, like it would be us kids, you know, and we're in elementary school, middle school. It was so fun, like we would talk, we would chat, we would play.
Speaker 1:So we each had buckets and then the well has like a little pail. It has a string, like a rope to it, and then you'd throw it down and then you would like rope up the pail with the water and then you would like dump it into your bucket and then you'd put the pail back down in the well and then, like, rope up the water, dump it into your bucket. I could only carry half a bucket, like my other cousins they could carry a full bucket of water. So I used to shower with half a bucket of water because that's what I could carry and, to be honest with y'all, you don't need a full bucket of water to take a nice bath. I'm just saying, but yeah, like it was so fun and so what we would do? Because if you're used to well water, because the wells, the water is like deep down into the ground.
Speaker 1:The water is often cold, right, and so if you take, if you go to the well and you fetch water right before you're supposed to take a bath, you're going to be like trembling because the water is so cold. You're literally going to be like shivering. So we would go a few hours before we wanted to take our baths and we would put our buckets out in the sun so that the sun can warm up our buckets and, you know, warm up our water so that we can take like warm baths instead of cold water baths, right. But then you couldn't take a shower too early because it's a hot climate, right. And so you would start like you would sweat. So we would time it perfectly so that we take our baths right when the sun is setting, and then you didn't want to wait too late to take the bath, because once the sun sets, there's no electricity and it's dark.
Speaker 1:It was like that perfect timing between, like right when the sun is about to set, there's enough light coming through to the outhouse or the bathroom or whatever where, like you can see, and then the water is still warm because it was out in the sun for the day, and it is the most glorious bath ever because the water is just like nice and toasty and after you take a bath the sun is setting soon, so it's not as hot and like humid and nasty, so you're not like sweaty again and it it just. It's just such a vibe, it just it so fun. And so that's an example of yes, you have to go fetch water from this well. You can be miserable about it or you could just turn it into something like fun and change your perspective and your perceptions about having to go fetch water from the well. It was so it's like a fond memory that I have and it's based off of you know, something that's that's difficult. Like in the US, where I live now, you just, if you want to take a shower, you just like turn on the water and there's hot water, there's cold water, 24-7, all the time. You don't have to go fetch it from the well. That is so amazing. There's electricity 24-7. It's amazing.
Speaker 1:You could just use a freaking washing machine to wash your clothes. You don't have to hand wash your clothes. Talk about a soft life, but even like when we had to hand wash when it was laundry time. So we did laundry every Saturday, but it was like fun. We all each got our little key vets. We call it a key vet. I don't know, Gosh, I don't know what anything is in English, but we call it a key vet. I don't know, gosh, I don't know what anything is in English, but we call it a key vet. We would get our key vets and then we'd fill it up with like it wasn't a powder or liquid detergent, it was like a bar. And then, you know, you'd soap up the water and like the suds and stuff, and then we would talk and laugh and crack jokes while we, like, wash our hand, wash our clothes, and then we oh God, what is it called? Clothing line? You know, dry the clothes out in the sun, but then it would suck when it's about to rain and then, like you'd have to run and get the clothes so it doesn't get wet in the rain.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I say all that to say that, even though we're in a country that is harsh, we found ways to make it less stressful. We found ways to switch the mindset and the perception away from. This is so hard and difficult to you know what? It's just something we have to do, and we're going to enjoy each other's company while we're doing it. We're going to laugh while we're doing it. We're going to make the best of the situation while we're doing it. And all of that is part of practicing a soft life. And so when I'm here in the States and things are not working out, I think about back home. I think about okay, well, how would we handle this situation back home? Adjusting, finding ways to take something that is frustrating or annoying and simplifying it and making it less frustrating, making it less annoying. You know what I mean. Hopefully it's making sense.
Speaker 1:The soft life is more than just twirling my hair, looking cute oh my god. I just want to be a passenger princess. Is that part of it? Absolutely, if you could be a passenger princess, baby, be a passenger princess. Let him or her or whatever, let your partner drive and sit in the passenger seat and be cute. I'm all for it. But that's not all the soft life is. And so, no, the soft life is not just for privileged people.
Speaker 1:No matter what situation you're in, there are many situations in which you can start practicing. How do you approach this situation with a softer lens? How do you approach the situation with more kindness to yourself? How do you approach the situation with a mindset that makes it less miserable for you? How do you shift how you view your perception of what's happening to you so that you can see the positive in that situation, even though it's not the most ideal situation or circumstance to be in? All of that is part of practicing the soft life. People, all of that is part of the soft life. It is about approaching everything in your life from a lens of how can I make this softer, more enjoyable, more pleasurable, more exciting, more fun? How can I bring laughter and smiles and happiness and joy into my life on a consistent basis throughout the day?
Speaker 1:The soft life should not make you bitter, and this is something else that I've been seeing when I watch people talk about the soft life. People talk about the soft life. They talk about it with this like anger, like they angry y'all. I don't understand why a woman wanting to not have a harsh, difficult, painful life, why does that evoke so much anger from within you. It should not make y'all this angry. I don't get it.
Speaker 1:The soft life is about you doing what you can do for you. Everybody is not going to be able to do the same things. Everybody isn't in the same financial situation. Everybody doesn't have the same support system around them. Everyone isn't from the same culture. Everybody doesn't live in the same areas or communities. Tailor it to you. You should never, okay, see what the next woman is doing and be angry about it because it's not what you can do. Do what you can do for you.
Speaker 1:And another thing, too, is like just because what the next woman considers to be an important aspect of her soft life, just because it's not what you enjoy or what you like to do, doesn't mean you have to do it. And it also doesn't mean you have to bash her and put her down for it. That's her soft life. She's entitled to create a soft life for herself, based off of her means and what she wants for her. That doesn't have to align with what you want for you or what you can do for you. That shouldn't make you feel some kind of way. What is part of my soft life may not be what you want for yours. It doesn't mean that your soft life is better or worse than mine. It doesn't mean that I have a right to criticize or judge you for what you're doing. It doesn't mean you have a right to criticize or judge me for what I'm doing, like y'all.
Speaker 1:We need to stop. As women, we need to stop. We have to stop this comparison game, this comparing ourselves to each other or to others and then using that to either prompt ourselves up as if we're better oh, I'm not a materialistic girl, okay, boo, that's you. That doesn't make you better than someone else. We need to stop comparing ourselves to each other and then using it to either prop ourselves up or to put ourselves down.
Speaker 1:Maybe the next girl can afford to go and have a matcha in a cafe or can afford to go and get a chai latte at a coffee shop every single morning, and that's part of her soft life, right, that's part of her self-care. Maybe her income is higher. Maybe she is living with her parents and she's not paying rent for whatever reason, whatever. Maybe she prioritizes that that's really important to her, that soothes her, that relaxes her. Cool, that's her. Maybe you can't afford that. Maybe you also love lattes and love matchas, but you can't afford to go and get a $7 latte every single day. You can't afford to go and buy an $8 matcha every single day. Cool, make your own. Make your own. Make your own, buy the ingredients, learn the recipes. There's youtube, there's tiktok, there's google, there's each other baby.
Speaker 1:I love lattes and teas and and I just love stuff like that. I'm not a coffee drinker but but I love, like chai latte, matcha latte, I love different teas, so I buy my matcha. I buy my matcha for 20s. The one that I buy is like $25.99 and it'll give you 20 servings of matcha, right, and I just make it at home. I have my little sugar-free vanilla syrup and I make it at home. I make my chai latte, I learn what ingredients go into the chai and I buy the ingredients and it's a relaxing, soothing process for me. I'll listen to music, sometimes like smooth jazz. Listen to music, sometimes like smooth jazz, maybe some like R&B While I make my like tea or my latte or my matcha, and I just sit down, I sip it. It's a vibe Like I make sure I just enjoy every single sip, every single taste, like I just enjoy the moment, I relish in it.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to be angry at the chick that. Be angry at the girl who goes to the cafe. No, if you can afford to go to the beauty salon or the spa or get a massage, do that. If you can afford it, as within your means, do that. It's just not me, right? Like I just don't see myself going to a hair salon and spending like a hundred and something dollars every two weeks at a salon. It's just not me. I don't enjoy being in salons. I just don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy being around other people. I'm a homebody. I don't love going to places with tons of other people. So for me, I find ways to practice taking care of myself at home, doing a deep treatment, and then I watch my true crime show and, just like it's a vibe, I tweak it so that it works for me and my budget and my finances and my wants and my desires. Don't be the type of woman who tries to uplift yourself by putting other women down. Don't do that, don't do that. And so, yeah, the last part I want to talk about.
Speaker 1:When it comes to the soft life think harder about the way you're living your life. That it allows you to take more accountability of the things that are happening in your life and you feel empowered, right, because you start thinking about okay, well, what are things that I can actually change? What are things that are happening in my life right now that I can actually shift and I can actually stop doing or start doing in order to increase the quality of the life that I'm living? It forces you to think about who are the people that you're surrounding yourself with. Are you surrounding yourself with agents of chaos or are you surrounding yourself with people who bring you peace?
Speaker 1:And if you're around agents of chaos, whether that's in your personal life, your relationship, your family situation, coworkers at work, your job, whatever, your school, whatever then you start thinking about okay, well, how can I either eliminate these agents of chaos from my life or decrease the amount of interaction that I have with them? How do I start limiting the access to these agents of chaos? You start thinking differently. Your mindset starts to shift and change, right, whereas before it's kind of like well, I'm in this situation and I have no control and there's nothing I can do about it. You start thinking differently, like okay, does this mean that I need to look for another job. Does this mean that this is a relationship that I need to end? If it's a relationship I can't end, does it mean that, instead of living with this person, I need to find a different roommate, or I need to move out of the house? Or maybe I don't need to see you at every single holiday, every single family gathering right, every single holiday party. Maybe I don't have to talk to you on the phone as often as I talk to you on the phone. Whatever it is that I need to do in order to soften the amount of chaos that you bring into my life, I'm going to do that. I'm going to soften that. It forces you to think about what are the things that you're doing in your life that you absolutely hate doing. Are there ways that you can soften how much you hate, soften your hatred for this particular thing?
Speaker 1:I hate to cook. I've set rules into place as part of my soft life. I have to cook because I have to eat. I do quick, easy meals. I am not cooking anything that takes more than 30 to 40 minutes to cook from beginning to end. Don't play with me. I'm not doing that. I'm not fitting to. No mix up, no dough from scratch and then the dough has to like rise for two hours and then I kind of got to come back and like play with the dough some more and then it needs to rise again for another four hours and then I got to come back and I'm like I'm not doing all that. 30 to 40 minutes, okay. I make quick breakfasts, quick lunches, quick dinners, okay. And when I do cook I try to like listen to a podcast, listen to music. I try to incorporate things that I love doing into the process so that I don't feel as miserable doing it.
Speaker 1:The soft life has you start thinking about things like that. What are things that you hate doing or dislike doing? Are there things that you can delegate, that you can have somebody else do? Are there ways that you can soften the level of miserocity which is not a word, the level of miserocity that you have to go through to get this thing, because maybe you can't delegate it to someone else? I wish I could just pay somebody to cook food for me, but I just I'm not at that point in my life yet. I noticed I said yet because we speaking it into existence, baby, okay, eventually I will get to the point that I can afford to hire a chef. Okay, she going to have a chef, a personal chef, speaking that into existence. But that's not my life right now. It is just. It's a beautiful concept and as I've started incorporating this idea of the soft life into my life personally, I have experienced drastic changes in my level of anxiety and stress and you know I'm doing a lot more creative things.
Speaker 1:This podcast is part of me practicing. It's a direct result of the soft life. I have a very challenging nine to five job right now and it was like, well, what can I start doing to start balancing that out? What are some things I can do on the weekends to love my weekends so much? It's been really fun thinking about the topic and what am I going to talk about and what are the points that I want to hit, and recording and editing. It's just been really fun. Even if nobody hears podcasts and even if nobody sees them on YouTube, even if no one cares about what I'm saying, it's fun. I'm going to wrap it up by telling you guys the soft life is about how to incorporate more smile, more laughter, more affection, more hugs, more kisses, more gentleness, more beauty, more exploration, more relaxation into your life and that's all it is. Guys, I am a huge advocate for the soft life.
Speaker 1:Next week, stay tuned, because I am going to talk about the soft life for men. Hear me out. If you have a brother or you're a daddy's girl, like I am, if you have brothers, like I do, if you have nephews like I do, you have a husband, you have men in your life, next week's podcast is going to be for you. If you are a guy, next week's podcast is going to be for you.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about the soft life for men. What does it look like? How do you do it? Just kind of going against society's expectation for men and this idea that men can't want peace and can't want affection and can't want love and can't want a life that is loving and stress-free. That's crazy to me. So we're going to talk about that, we're going to get into it and once I do record, edit and upload that podcast, I will link it to this one. So either in the description section of this one or, like, put it up as a card. I think the card is like here. So stay tuned for that. That is going to be episode five the soft life for men. Bye y'all, thank you.